Finding Certainty Is An Inside Job
what’s a girl to do when “unprecedented times” are the norm
2 weeks after graduating from business school, I was laid off. There’s nothing like losing your job to make you question everything from your worth to your stability to your entire future. Part of me was shocked, because I never thought I would get laid off from this job. Then, I felt relief - this job wasn’t a perfect fit and I wanted to leave after getting my MBA. And then, I felt loss - loss of income, of course, but also loss of certainty and stability.
This was almost two years ago. Since then, I’ve been thinking about certainty and stability. How can you feel stable in a world that seems marked by “unprecedented times?” At first, I charged forward with the customary step following a job loss: finding a new full-time job. However, after months of searching, I had yet to sign a coveted offer letter, but I had found some consulting and freelance roles. That’s when it hit me:
Stability and certainty do not inherently come from having a full time job. Stability and certainty come from knowing that no matter what the situation, I will be able to figure it out.
This mindset shift changed my life. Instead of relying on external forces, which were changing daily, I began to rely on, and believe in, myself.
In between freelancing, interviewing, and babysitting in the afternoons, I realized I was figuring it out. Despite the current rock bottom of no salary, no full time job offers, (almost) no health insurance, and seemingly no path forward, I still felt this deep belief in myself. Looking back, this glimmer of hope led me through and was inextricable from the process I used to deal with uncertainty and eventually, build my own consulting practice.
While I do not wish a lay off on anyone, this process may be helpful to anyone grappling with anxiety about the future and how to feel okay.
How to build certainty within yourself:
Develop a mindfulness practice that works for you.
For me, this was meditating (I really like the TBM DIs, which are more self-hypnosis vibes), going for walks at the end of the day without listening to music or podcasts, and praying. This was helpful twofold: firstly, it helped me get more in touch with myself and my intuition, which built self-trust. Secondly, it helped me recognize and release what was not within my control.
Challenge your thinking.
What are some beliefs that you have been holding onto that might be standing in your way? Where did those beliefs come from? Is there a way that YOU can do things differently? For me, this was the belief that the only path toward certainty and stability was a full time job.
Remember times when you were able to depend on yourself.
Give yourself examples of when you’ve figured out things and it went well. A small example for me was when I amped up my babysitting and petsitting business in middle and high school to pay for horseback riding lessons.
Find mantras that really stick.
For me, this was a riff on a Steve Jobs quote: Someday, I will be able to connect the dots and this will all make sense. If you’re more spiritual (I really tapped into this), I would repeat “The universe/God has my best interests in mind and is removing obstacles from my path.” I would repeat these mantras every night as I went to sleep.
Focus on what is going well/coming easily.
When you focus on something, you typically see more of it. It can be easy to fixate on what isn’t going well, but I refuse to be a victim of circumstance so this was essential to turning things around. In my case, sometimes this was client work, sometimes this was networking calls, sometimes it was realizing I could lift a heavier weight during a workout.
Start creating.
I started writing on Substack, attempted to create content on Tiktok, and began pitching my freelance services. In hindsight, I wish I did this sooner, but the practice of creating helped to separate my idea of productivity from being busy to intentionally making something for others.
The world will never become more certain. We will always need to navigate external changes and having a strong sense of self belief, and self-worth, are the key tools to help guide you through unknown waters. My shift in perspective didn't happen overnight, but it has transformed how I approach uncertainty. As you face your own moments of disruption, remember that true stability and certainty comes from within.
You’ve got this. Andiamo.