How To Get What You Want - Part 1 - Focus Focus Focus
bridging the gap between vision and execution
I think it’s about time we all start getting what we want. There’s a lot working against us right now - macroeconomic, societal, internal, you name it. However, we still have some agency. I propose we leverage it to build the life we want.
I know this sounds a little mushy, but I promise, I have too many Capricorn placements not to have an actual system to this. Over the next few newsletters, I’ll break down the exact, replicable(!!) method I’ve used to get what I want. Some examples: moving to New York, going to Columbia Business School, relationships, jobs, my own business…the list goes on. I’m really not special; you can do this too. Before we get started, I know that there are many things that are outside of our control. However, there is still so much within our control, and I propose we focus on that instead. Andiamo.
Recently, someone asked how I balanced a full-time job and getting my MBA from Columbia Business School (the classes, assignments, etc.).
My answer wasn’t that satisfying - I didn’t find it difficult to manage a full-time job and my MBA studies/social events/etc. I’m sure this sounds a little annoying, but let me explain why.
I wanted it (the experience, the MBA, what it would mean for my future, etc.) more than I wanted to avoid the work that it took to get it. More importantly, I intrinsically wanted to do this program, and I was extremely invested in the outcome.
You may not want to go to business school, but the process I followed applies to many things in life1. In this series, we’ll go step by step, so you can bridge the idea to execution gap and get what you want in life.
First, you have to pick and choose what you want to focus on. I grew up in the time of Grit. While the concept is valuable, you cannot be gritty at everything. It’s not possible, and you’re headed toward extreme burnout if you try to put all your energy into everything. Instead, you need to intentionally choose what to focus on. You can’t have it all at once.
This is the first step to getting what you want. Here are the three questions I recommend reflecting/journaling on to get incredibly clear:
Think about three things you really, really want in your life, right now2. Write them down.
For each one, how are they connected to your greater goals/what you want from life?
Why are they important to you? What would it mean to get them?
Copy/paste these questions into your Notes app now and quickly jot down your answers. Or, if you have a journal or a pen and paper handy, take a moment to write out your thoughts. You can just start with one goal - it doesn’t have to be three. Do this now.
To continue using the business school example, here is what it looked like for me (this is overly simplified/abbreviated):
What do I want in my life right now? I wanted to progress in my career. Additionally, I wanted to find a like-minded group of people who took their careers really seriously and were similarly ambitious.
How is this connected to my greater goals? I had done hours of research into the career path I wanted. For many people I looked up to, an MBA from a top business school was part of what they brought to the table. It seemed critical to their career success as C-Suite level executives in the industry I wanted to enter.
Why is this important to me? This was important to me because my career has always been important to me. I’ve always wanted to have an impact in my work. For me, getting my MBA meant that I was on the path to building the career and life that I’ve dreamed of and worked towards for over a decade.
L->R: right before my admissions interview, the pennies I used to track my interview prep reps, wine on the roof with Ashley to celebrate getting into Columbia Business School
It can feel overwhelming to turn a dream into reality. We make it seem hard so we can convince ourselves that it’s not worth trying. There’s science behind this - it’s called cognitive overload3.
Our brain essentially goes, “I haven’t done this before! It seems super complicated,” and then, it might go “I might fail,” and then you arrive at “it’s safer not to even try.” Because, at the end of the day, our brain (specifically, the amygdala4) wants to keep us safe. The way it does that is by doing things it has already done before, over and over again. However, if you want to get what you want, you need to start making conscious decisions to override this biological complexity because what you want requires change.
How do you do that? We’ll talk about that next time. Be sure to subscribe so you get the steps right in your inbox.
The first thing you need to do is focus. You can’t multitask your goals (at least, it’s never worked for me). These questions are the starting point for my conversations with my coaching clients (if you’re interested, you can book a consult here), and where we always begin.
Today, we’re focused on the “why.” In a few days, we’ll get into more of the how.
The life you want is possible. Andiamo.
Of course, there are parts of life that are very much beyond your control. I don’t mean to diminish experiences that people have when they really want something and it doesn’t happen. It’s extremely painful.
In my experience, it’s very hard for this process to work if you’re doing something in spite of someone/something, in order to prove something to someone, or something you think you should be doing because everyone else is doing it/your mom tells you that it’s important/etc. This should be intrinsic.
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0306457323002194 - an interesting journal article
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/body/24894-amygdala - crtl f to “Amygdala hijack”
running to my journal!!! 🏃♀️💨📓📝